PSYCHOBABBLE

who knows how "it" works.....i was at a noisy birthday party last night....the extremely loud Turkish belly dancing music, playing at 100db, transformed into even louder disco inferno pounding, to which the veins in my temples pulsed in ever-increasing pain, my eardrums doubling in agony.....the louder the music, the more senselessly involved the party participants became, and.....actually to my surprise.....the inter-relatedness and synchronicity of unconscious longings seemed to prevail...even more than in a relaxed atmosphere! At some levels, individuals, couples and groups sought some kind of mass and hysterical type of sensory union in the mosh pit vortex of pulsing rhythms; as the peak of this frenzy approached, i jumped from my chair and bolted through the door to the relative peaceful isolation of a deck, crowded with cigarette and pot smokers, drinkers and others, like myself, who were simply overwhelmed by sensation, and nerves on edge, sought the refuge of silence......later, as I re-emerged into the chaotic frenzy of mass belly dancing and, for the less creative, an encompassing circle of structured line-dancers attempting to senslessly duplicate exacting patterns of Jewish/Greekish swooping and sweeping about the mass of jumping, expressive children high on youth and middle-aged women, encouraged by alcohol and exhibitionism, flirting and cavorting with total strangers......as the music reduced to simply, regular and even louder pounding, massively configured men began to dance and romp, jumping and shouting......A riot of communal enthusiasm which filled me with a panicky sense of out-of-controlness and exasperative and delusional mass participation.......i had a vision of great apes, fiercely shaking tree limbs, then joining a pack to devour the offspring of neighboring groups of benobos......then, it was over......my mind shut down, the music was masked by my unwillingness to delve further into this collective chaos, as deafened, I departed into the calm, black night, devoid of sounds.....the ringing in my ears separating me from the rest of the Cosmos.......In the black sky, the stars, twinkled......silently.....