REFLECTIONS FROM THE INNER MEMORY BANKS, AFTER VIEWING "JACKIE".........

Viewing Natalie Portman's very Darren Aronofsky-inspired portrait of Jacqueline Kennedy.....as 'Jackie' Kennedy......in Pablo Larraín's Film, JACKIE.......many emotions that I felt, still an 18-year old......even remembering where I was seated during Dr. Alexander Marchant's very philosophical history lecture that was attended by my entire freshman class.....800....and, within months, to be honed to 300 by attrition, by inattention, immaturity and sybaritic social immersion.......As our lecturer was predicting, based on his familiarity with the perpetual tides of aspirative mediocrity......Two days later, the school was left for disinfecting as it's cast of 'we know it all, already' students, by habituation and under cultural and social pressures, both real and perceptual, left for their various holidays of feasting and gift-giving.....seemingly, oblivious to what had happened in Texas, just a few days before.......Watching "JACKIE" jolted my aging memory banks that still seem to be packed with details....both visual and emotional......that were now recombinant chemical restructuring, unconscious constructs....pulling my mind and behavior, conceptualizations and unprocessed Art......as my mind's painting and re-painting the details of memory, that it remain...for reconsideration....for further-processing......even to introduce cautionary avoidance sub-routines like avoiding traveling in a downtown 'street parade'.....looking into the upper windows of Macy's and The Polaris Room for the glint of sunlight on a steel barrel.......Dr. Marchant wept, with a countenance of hopelessness, as he broke from his 'lecture' to tell the mostly oblivious 'freshmen' of the tragic event..........Why do I remember what I was wearing that day, and where and by whom I sat? I have forgotten, already, entire months of my Life, that my brain has re-stitched and edited-for-content; and, I've forgotten, already, what I was wearing 72 hours ago........

THE AFTERTHOUGHTS OF HAVING WATCHED TOM HARDY'S MOVIE, "VENOM"......

KILLING THE EYE

At 6, i became aware of the variations in individual's interpretations of sensory information and how these variations from the mean create eccentrics like myself. A few years later i discovered that my eyes did not focus very acutely upon objects more than a yard away, although my close range focus was extraordinary. i was amazed, when my vision had been "corrected" by the intricacies of Nature at greater than arm's length. i continued to avoid interactions with other children whom i considered boisterous and undisciplined...and therefore.....unthinking dangerous and volatile. it seemed that the surfaces of things were extreme and the depths unfathomable. of course, i did not..at that time....either have the vocabulary to shape my thoughts in such a way that i could play back my interpretations or the confidence to believe that my take on what seemed to be happening around me could be any more "true" than the preconceptions of others that formed the context of my education in Life. I did not know about the sub-species called artists or those labeled intellectuals or those who lived lives as instinctual as those of birds. I was wary of the impulses that were genetically driven and that seemed to bypass ethical or moral considerations and wanted only to cast aside the predestinations of learned patterns of both perception and thought......But then....I was only 7 by then, and had only a few clues to go by.....

Opium by Jesse Manno