VISITING MY '6TH GRADE MEMORY LOOP'....

....I recall trekking to the "Grand" Theater, which showed Universal International and 3-D films, to be amazed by this existentially philosophical movie..."THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN"...Even then, I was annoyed by its ending, that was poetic.....but the references to the 'God' stuff that 98% of American, especially Southern American, brainwashed youths bought into were irritating....even then.......After the film, I crossed the street to visit my Grandmother, who was playing on the sliding ladder of the shoe department of Becker's Store, to quiz her about the thoughts that were pumping from my frontal lobes to conceptual awareness........She replied, "Ask R.W." (my Grandfather} "He's probably thought about that.".......Not wanting to wait, I took out a nickel, jumped into a Westbound Bus and headed to my Grandfather's "Mop Shop".......finding him, labeling and shellacking maple handles......When I asked him my big question...."Can people be shrunken, and live...and where would they go after they're so small that they were undetectable?".....He pressed a pedal on the old, iron Industrial Revolution machine that he was tinkering with, and replied: "It's a big place....out there......." Wait....he was supposed to know the 'answer'......he was an old, sagacious man, wasn't he? He was probably my age (now)! And, what do I know? I listened, with him, to a transmission of Radio Free Europe blaring from his old 'console' radio.....totally uninterested......then walked to my grandparent's home to ponder the 'questions' that no one ever discussed, trying to engage my flippant Aunt Nell, who was visiting......

When my Mother picked me up for the jaunt to our home, I again asked a question: "What's left, after 'you' take out all the 'stuff'?".......She stopped the DeSoto at a Phillips 66 gas station, went into the office and brought back a milky way candy bar....halfing it with me.....then, finally, replied: "Where do you come up with these crazy questions, honey?".......Aaargh......I realized that no one seemed to think about the 'stuff' that was on MY mind........So, stalking our neighbor, Werner, walking his dog, I asked the same questions....to which he replied, in his thick German accent: "I'm not allowed to discuss such things.".....WTF!......Does anyone know what time it is? I got more science from Timemaster and Flash comics! Gimme some truth!

REFLECTING ON THE DEMISE OF OLD COLLEGE FRIEND.....AFTER THE RECENT SUICIDE OF JOHN WHARTON LOWE, WHO ...RECENTLY.....OFFED HIMSELF AFTER DECADES OF SUICIDE IDEATION AND DEPRESSION........

Two friends from University days, reading my rambles and mention of my friend, Bert, who died, just past his 40th b'day of 'complications of Aids', the 'then' death warrant 'condition', asked me about what 'happened' to Bert........and why he and I had been such good friends during college days.......Bert and I met during the first day of 'orientation' at Vanderbilt, quickly discovered our love of contract bridge, baroque music and fine dining.......we had breakfast and dinner together almost every day for 3 years, afterwards.....over the years, Bert learned many languages, including Attic Greek, Latin, French , Italian, German and bits of others, and became a PhD classical linguist/scholar/professor in Toronto.......and, later, became embroiled in a 'sex scandal' with some students and some priests and nuns....he had a strange sexual fixation on 'the cloth'.....was fired from his professorship, for 'sexually inappropriateness', worked on his family farm raising chickens and pigs, then decided to work with plants and landscape gardening.....a hobby that we also shared....went into partnership with another friend who had completed medical school, but REALLY wanted to do gardening.........I just 'came across' this old magazine cover, featuring a very dapper Bert......Somewhere around here I have the 'alternate take' with Bert, stark naked, as he would have preferred, but for the censorship of the repressive bourgeoisie......At 18, Bert introduced me to good cognac, pot, the importance of scholarly research, French restaurants and leather 'posing' straps....and those really cool GE portable 'stereo' units with wood-veneered, 'swing out' speakers........and, importantly, 'interchangeable' photo cartridges...for different types of music.......I still have a miniature suitcase, fitted out for my photo cartridge collection.....Who else, but Bert, would have thought this a very importantly practical and pragmatic consideration.......Now, alas, A.N. Bottorff III has been dead since Elizabeth Taylor donned her first sequined, padded shoulder pads for Dynasty......I still have the collection of records that I would haul to Bert's room to play on his 'swing out', as the 'boys' on our dorm floor banged on the door for us to 'stop that noise' so they could hear Paul Revere and the Raiders and The Swinging Medallions on their new FM radios........My point? (and there generally, even specifically...is at least one.....even if hidden in a haystack of verbiage and images).........One of the greatest treasures of Life is that of Sympatico.......a rare thing for the most eccentric of us.......Life is not a target that we must 'hit' or 'miss'......1955 was, fortunately, a long time ago......'If you get what I'm sayin', that is'........

MERLIN ABELARD......SUFFERING FROM INCESSANT BOUTS WITH SEIZURES........I'M FREAKED OUT! MERLIN HAS BEEN MY BEAUTIFUL COMPANION SINCE HE WAS A FEW WEEKS OLD....AND, NOW....SIGH!

after ten seizures in the past 24 hours.....he refuses both water and any form of sustenance......labored breathing, foaming at his mouth and with crusty eyes.....spasms have been increasing, overnight.....sensitive to light and sound, I've held him, wrapped in a blanket, during his convulsions....10 1/2 years is just too young to die!