At age ten, i was in a terrible bicycle accident which caused shearing of the anterior frontal lobe of my developing brain......after this, it was determined that i may have had a lesion in the orbitofrontal cortex.....after I demonstrated, by my behavior, that impulse control was inhibited......the Gregory House Syndrome....Years later, after yet another brain damaging episode, in my middle twenties, i was unable to fare well on the Wisconsin Cart Sort, perseverating on socially established rules of behavior and exhibiting frustration and confusion when sorting out external stimuli that would affect modifications in responses or behavior.....and, since damage had occurred within the left brain, my mind was quicker to process negative emotion; consequently, i was compelled to channel more energy into the right lobe to balance the temporal lobe processes, even though i was taking the then experimental drug, encephabol, to counter my inability to process new memories, making me a loose canon, socially......such is Life! Nevertheless, I have a reasonable excuse for my critical personality......
What we think we "know" depends on how we are taught and how we learn to interpret, against the background chatter of our internalized egocentric preconceptions of what we think we comprehend; thus, our idea of what the outside is becomes but a representation of how we are taught to tag and process, comparing ever more complex data to the simple sets of constructs that we utilize in order to categorize unknowns and place them into tidy prejudicial formats to avoid feeling completely lost and incompetent....Ironically, the less one comprehends and understands, the more this process becomes necessary, inevitable, futile and stultifyingly meaningless.....
it is not possible to see without prejudice, since this is how the brain has learned to interpolate and avoid confusion, while simultaneously ignoring the paths of wisdom; consequently, rendering the entire process virtually retrogressive and pre-telencephalonal.......Do I think in this manner because I have re-routed many relays in my grey matter? I feel great floods of emotion, but quickly...usually....relay them to a processing center that was created to avoid the stress and anxiety that form from their incomprehensibility.....intellectualization, perhaps?.....This is the opposite of the 'standard operating procedure' whereby emotion is immediately acted upon, reactively.......I've found this old manner of dealing with feelings to be troublesome and will always create even more predicaments and dilemmas...in a domino effect, so to speak.......I was very fortunate to have discovered R.D. Laing's poetry of psychoanalysis.......
"THE ENIGMA"........I was filing through a series of pen and ink 'scribbles' that I drew in my middle twenties......and, still, have but ideas of what was in my mind at the time....the outpouring seemed, at the time, very compulsive...as I spent ten hours a day, for months, doing them.....after a near-death experience that left me in a coma in a Soest, Holland hospital....When I awakened, I was obsessed with these strange drawings.......In Amsterdam, I was prescribed a drug, illegal in the U.S., to facilitate brain cell regeneration, whenupon the 'visions' that I was trying to depict with ink, suddenly vanished!
"The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds." R.D. Laing
