not a day goes by that i don't miss Steven. his death has transformed my existence and my perspective on Lives that continue to perpetuate themselves outside his presence in their lives. all has changed forever. a sharp pain persists in my chest...that his presence had masked with his own.
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(AUG 19, 2005...from an email to a mutual friend) I spoke, at length, with Ricky last night. He's still in shock and sounded relatively unemotional and flat--symptomatic of confusion and repressed feelings.
silence then spurts of impacted words. I will try to muster the courage to attend his Mom's funeral tomorrow, in Canton. I've spoken with Steven a dozen
times. He sounds almost blaise' about his arrythmia--what stamina to endure days of 150bpm! I would be dead. Hopefully, the body mechanics in Floyd
County will, again, make reparations. Feeling really emotional about all this and the countless other issues about me, I'm trying to avoid tailspin and fragmentation--
if that is possible. particles of truth shower on my illusions. reed
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